if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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