the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
