Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
