i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
