Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
