so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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