New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
worst night to have a conscience
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
