i may or may not be watching the land before time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
