this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
