If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
