I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
