Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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