So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
