If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
