i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
