I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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