Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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