i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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