It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
