I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
