There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
