Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
