She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
