If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
