I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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