Don't make out with my wife yet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
