I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
