hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
