yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
