I puked a lego.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
