I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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