I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
