i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
