if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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