Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize