it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
