his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
