Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
