That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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