My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
