I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
