i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
