it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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