my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize