i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please come you make the beer taste better
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
