I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
