Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
