Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
