just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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