We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
