Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
