we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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