i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
