and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
