meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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