he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
