All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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