I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
