how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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