my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
