My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
