I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
