i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
