You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
