so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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