i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
