I just threw up on my dentist
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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