im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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