you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
