I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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