omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
