She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
