So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize