What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
