she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
