I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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