New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
