Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
