Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
