You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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